BITCHES PLEASE! PART DEUX

Also a TRUE STORY
[DISCLAIMER: everything in this blogs has been "PROPERLY FIKTIONALIZED!"!!]

I know: too much truth already BITCHES!Talk about BITCHES PLEASE!!!!

* Maderia Beach Middle School... in 1977, less than one short decade following Woodstock and three tiny fiscal leaps following Viet Nam, oh boy! Not, arrggh, gonnago there....

This was a simple case of an adult, brown woman, The "Dean of Girls" and an 11 year old girl, who just moved to FL. from the north... The True North: Canada; whose dad had died a couple of years earlier. No biggie huh? This tomboy is being beat up everyday on the bus, WHY? Because-she just moved to the South and happens to wear very stylish, green rimmed glassesand has an overbite; okay, buck-teeth, there are you happy now? [This girl was mod! way beyond her years, only she did not know it for a long, long time...go figure.] See, this particularly unique and "gifted child" who really wished, over and over every day, that she were completely invisible. [yeah, yeah - - she was a: French-Canadian-Iroquois-Native-American BUT, you couldn't tell by looking at her. HA!] So, b/c she is getting beat up daily, she is allowed by mom to ride her powder blue, boys style, 10-speed bike, 7 miles to and from school everyday. She loves it! FREEDOM! SPEED! FRESH AIR!GREAT WORK OUT! [Uh, yeah, she has to hide & lock her bike up far from the school and pay a Nam Vet protection money for the walk over to her 1st class, but if she gets there early, she saves money and can hide easier... Every Fucking Day... BITCHES PLEASE!!!] After all, it's only 5 of the 7 days of each week, right? Can you say: "WEEK-END WARRIOR AND DROP-OUT - - IN TRAINING?." Thought so; parents can be so fucking lame when they are reasonable...they think that ALL adults are reasonable or at least, reasonably sane! What did I hear your inner voice just say? That's what I thought: BITCHES PLEASE!!!![Rare moment here: the professional contradictarian is giving some [many] of you credit for knowing what getting your asses kicked daily feels like.
HENCE my Magically Prophetic question in the profile: "Do YOU think MEAN people SUCK?" Now for the "Authority of The DEAN" part of the story: [HEY PHRED: LOOK... WHAT CAME UP WHEN I CHECKED TO SEE OF CANUCK HAD 1 OR 2 N'S IN IT:Harry Connick, Jr.(Jazz Musician / Actor / Jazz Singer) FUNNY, EH?] SO, The stupid Canuck, FROG faced, buck-tooth, payola spending little Hippie-Freak [Oh yeah! And beacoup more than that! Middle School was the 2nd to worst part of her education! High School got worse...OY!...YO!] was 3 minutes late to "1st period" [I know right?] one morning and then 2 minutes late the next; SHIT!!! Call the Truancy Patrol! Juvi-delinquent caught red handed! Get this, my teacher didn't want to send me to the Dean's office, but it was the rules... no, not the ex-Army Capt., it was a new-bee civilian Fucking BITCH! - - So off she goes, "MARCH YOUNG LADY!" GOD DAMNED I HATED HEARING THAT SHIT! BITCHES PLEASE! Dean Barn-Door-Ass, no lie, it was a huge ole COFFEE TABLE looking mother fuckin' ass, and she was all of 4'3" weighing in at 150lbs... no fucking wonder she hated "my chicken legged, wise-crackin' smart-talking little attitude" [official quote Dean Barn-Door-Ass October, 1977; true story here folks.] But, again, the naive little girl, was trusting to a fault, [really really] in the overwhelming evidence of all the goodness that surely existed in human nature, look at dad & mom. DUMB ASS KID! OK, okay damn, I asked if you WANNNA BITCH DIDN'T I??? Dean-BDA, wanted to give me 3 "Whacks" with a paddle, that was 2.5 ft. long and had evenly spaced holes drilled in the damn thing from stem to hockey taped handle. The Girl asked Very Calmly, You are joking right? Well that turned this encounter into another one of those, what do you call it, again? oh, you, that's it: ADULT GOES POSTAL, way before it had a name or an occupation attached; Bitches Please! 11 years old and trying to reason with a middle aged African American Woman, who did not know that at the time, whose parents were probably at least indentured servants,and SHE is freaking right the fuck out,with a 2x4 in her hands DEMANDING that:

"I BEND OVER AND TAKE MY MEDICINE!"
[official quote #2 DeanBarn-Door-Ass October, 1977; true story here folks.]
What is a poor girl to do?
Think, think, what would dad do?
BAMBOO.

This is the reason I love the stuff; Bamboo that is. I lean over her desk, with my head turned and watch her wind up; when she does, I turned and snatched that fucking plank out of her hand, while screaming like a WILD FUCKING BANSHEE BEING CHASED BY BEES AND THE CALVARY, and cracked that fucking paddle in half on the side of her desk... which she was still writing on and looking at, long after I left dear old "Mad. Beach" Middle School. Her reaction was, well... simply priceless, [I never really remembered that bit until now actually] She had fear, shock, awe, for just a second, then it turned from boiling water to steam under pressure... Ka-POWEEE! Off she went: with renewed, CRAZY PSYCHO ANGERas this 11 yo kid, is telling her STERNLY BUT CALMLY, while using her paddle to point at the horn; "BITCH PLEASE! I said NOW Dammit!"[NO Way DUDE! NOT REALLY, BUT BOY THAT WOULD HAVE CAPPED IT, HUH? OR ME, HMMM? I was Fucking Shaking! Pissed but mostly fucking scared!]Three times, same tone, I repeated:

"You WILL PLEASE pick the fucking phone up and call my mom like I asked [axed] you earlier!"

psss! go to part trois...